Thursday, April 30, 2009


I wish I had gotten more pictures of Dylan. My aunt took a few of him right after he was born, and I adore those. We had a photographer from NILMDTS come and take photos, and those are precious to me. But they are "fixed" and I wish I had more of him the way he really looked. The professional pictures are the ones I share with others. I wish that people weren't freaked out by his natural ones. He was a beautiful baby and I don't think his pictures needed any doctoring.

I wish we had taken more pictures of us holding him in our arms. After the nurses brought Dylan back to us, he was in a miniature moses basket. The photographer took him out but we only held him in the basket after that.

I wish I had gotten one of those cute little knitted caps for him to wear in his pictures.

I wish I had held him longer. Maybe all night. I miss holding him. I wish I could hold him again.

There are less than 8 weeks until Dylan's due date. I wish we were preparing his nursery and getting ready for his arrival, instead of starting all over again. I feel terrible for saying that. I love and adore this new little one growing inside me. But it doesn't change that fact that I should have a different, bigger baby in my belly right now, getting ready to come into the world.

These are some of the pictures of Dylan right after his birth.

Precious Dylan. His little hand got bent as he was coming out.

Close up of his cord twist.

Dylan's beautiful little face. With a chin just like his Daddy's.


  1. I'm so sorry. I have many things I wish we would have done differently as well. I have to remind myself that I JUST delivered a dead baby and my brain didn't know how to process all of it. I wish you could have gotten a whole lifetime of pictures of Dylan. I do not think your baby is anything but beautiful...and he looks a lot like mine. Hugs.

  2. I'm sorry you wish there were things you would of done differently. I think that's normal. I feel the same. We didn't even have a camera in the hospital- I mean, I didn't even know she was going to be born. It was all a shock. Noone told us about NILMDTS at the hospital...they came in with a throw-a-way camera for us. A few hours later, I begged to leave the hospital and we brought Angel home with us. I am so glad we did, because if not, we would never of gotten to take more pictures. All the ones on the throw-a-way camera were blurry! I don't know why people think it's hard to look at a picture of smaller babies. The picture at the bottom of my profile with Braylynne is a natural one of Angel- I have no touched up ones, and that's the one I show everyone. Your son is precious, thanks for sharing. Hugs to you.

  3. He is simply precious! I know we all have things that we wish we would have done the day that we got to meet our babies, but lets face it, the day we met our babies did not match the one that we had in our daydreams.

    The one pic that shows his little umbilical cord twisted is heartbreaking. I'm sure he was a fighter!

    So, now we can be bellybuddies since we got pregnant with our rainbow babies so close together. I'm sure Dylan and Lily are looking down at us and are just as excited as we are about their brother/sister coming into the families...

  4. What a beautiful baby. He looks like my little boy, another Dylan, born at 17 weeks.

    I saw your blog on Erica's blog and I had to come. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. My heart aches everytime I hear his name, and it aches even more for you.

    Congratulations on the new pregnancy. I know exactly how bittersweet it is. Take time for yourself whenever you can. And my old standby, if the only way you can get through the day is to pretend your not pregnant...that's ok too!