It's coming upon the time that my little group of "preggies" is due to have their babies. One was born just yesterday, precious little girl. Another, a little boy, is due June 11. And my sister's sweet little girl is due June 17, just 3 days before my own due date. It's really beginning to hit me that, in just a few weeks, we would all have our little ones. But now, I won't. I won't be bringing a little one home in 6 weeks or showing him off at church. I lied awake last night imagining bringing Dylan home in his little carseat. Bringing him to church for the first time. Lugging all the baby gear around. But that is all I'll ever have with him, imaginings.
On the topic of my sister, I am really torn as to what to do. Like I said, she is due 3 days before I was. She lives in Arkansas and my mom is planning on going up there the week following the birth. She is going to stay at our house as a half way point, so I have the option of going with her. I am so nervous about it though. How will I feel? How will my sister feel? We were supposed to make this trip several weeks after the babies were here so we could all meet. But now it'll just be us meeting her. I feel like I'll want to hold her all the time and imagine that she's Dylan. But being my sister's new baby, she may not want me to hold her all the time. Or, she might totally understand. I might not want to hold the baby at all. Truth is, I don't know how I'll feel when/if I get there. I don't know if I should go or stay. I wonder if it might be a good time of healing for me, and if I don't go I'll miss out on it.
