Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Feelings and other rambling thoughts

I think people assume that when you have another baby after a loss, that you get over your loss. Maybe forget? I don't really know what they think. Comments like "but you have a new baby now" really hurt. So I should forget my other baby? I don't think so.

The last couple of months have been really emotional for me. I don't know if it's hormones, or the time of year, or what. But I miss Dylan so much. No one understands it. I have no one to talk to about it. I feel like M has moved on from it. I love my baby girl so much, but it doesn't erase the fact that I love and miss my son and I always will. I still cry over him. Frequently in fact. It's not daily like it used to be. But weekly maybe.

No one talks about him. I think everyone has forgotten him.

Mother's day was hard. So many people said "Oh it must be your first mother's day" when they saw me with Vivian. I just nodded and looked away, because that's easier than explaining.

I wanted to take a picture with my children on Mother's Day. I wanted to go to Dylan's grave and take a picture of me and Vivian sitting by it. I think everyone would think it's super weird though.

Too many babies are dying. I have heard of so many little angels in the past few months. It makes me SO angry that they have to go. IT IS NOT FAIR. Maybe one day babies won't have to die anymore.