Wednesday, May 13, 2009


It's coming upon the time that my little group of "preggies" is due to have their babies. One was born just yesterday, precious little girl. Another, a little boy, is due June 11. And my sister's sweet little girl is due June 17, just 3 days before my own due date. It's really beginning to hit me that, in just a few weeks, we would all have our little ones. But now, I won't. I won't be bringing a little one home in 6 weeks or showing him off at church. I lied awake last night imagining bringing Dylan home in his little carseat. Bringing him to church for the first time. Lugging all the baby gear around. But that is all I'll ever have with him, imaginings.

On the topic of my sister, I am really torn as to what to do. Like I said, she is due 3 days before I was. She lives in Arkansas and my mom is planning on going up there the week following the birth. She is going to stay at our house as a half way point, so I have the option of going with her. I am so nervous about it though. How will I feel? How will my sister feel? We were supposed to make this trip several weeks after the babies were here so we could all meet. But now it'll just be us meeting her. I feel like I'll want to hold her all the time and imagine that she's Dylan. But being my sister's new baby, she may not want me to hold her all the time. Or, she might totally understand. I might not want to hold the baby at all. Truth is, I don't know how I'll feel when/if I get there. I don't know if I should go or stay. I wonder if it might be a good time of healing for me, and if I don't go I'll miss out on it.


  1. I know this is a difficult one because this situation involves your sister, and not just as random person in your life. I'm sure your sister will be fine with whatever you feel comfortable doing...

    Good luck~

  2. When I found out I was pregnant, I also found out that 5 other people from my Sunday School Class were also due the same week!! They all went on and had their babies...and I had grief and a little/ a lot of jealousy...It's very hard emotionally to deal with this, but I know that God will comfort you.

    My sister just had her baby last week...and I went in the room to watch the delivery. I wanted to be there because she is my sister and because I already loved my nephew...but when he came out I couldn't go over and see him right away...I was overwhelmed with this feeling of missing Zachary...and I felt cheated on the whole experience of having a happy birthday. I also felt angry that to the unknowing, public eye my sister's son would be the first grandson....

    Those feelings were quickly replaced with the excitement of having a handsome, little nephew...One thing I learned from Zachary's short life is that you have to love the people in your life for as long as you I plan on supporting and loving my sister and her new little one.

  3. That is a really tough decision. I can't imagine dealing with a newborn right when you are supposed to be having your own. We will support you no matter what you decide. This must be such a tough time. I feel the same way, I can only imagine what life would be like with Gregory here.

  4. Oh mama, thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful photos. I'm so thankful you posted on my DS thread.